Why is it so hard to really change your life?
- Marina Karaneuskaya
- Feb 7, 2024
- 5 min read
Many people find themselves discontented with their lives and eager for a BIG change. Do you also want much more from your life compared to your current reality?
Just like the vast majority of us, you might seek:
- better health, vitality, and fitness,
- a more youthful appearance,
- genuine friendships and positive company,
- much greater wealth,
- freedom from many burdensome responsibilities,
- more time to enjoy yourself, your family, and hobbies.
Yet, despite occasional bursts of determination and commitment to shake things up — e.g. joining a gym, investing in a course, or pursuing a new hobby — motivation tends to fade quite quickly. Daily obligations or unexpected events inevitably divert your attention, and you might find yourself right back in your familiar routines. With each failed attempt, you probably experience a little more disappointment and even a crippling sense of aging.
I get it. We are ALL going through these experiences. That's the nature of human life.
Yet... is it possible to really change it?
Let's take a look at root causes of inability to sustain significant and lasting changes.
1. Many people seek a 'quick and easy' solution, akin to a magic pill (fueling currently flourishing consulting industry). They prefer to outsource the hard work to specialists like personal trainers, private chefs, financial advisors, or doctors, hoping these experts will solve their problems while they maintain their usual routines. Mmmm...naive? Consequently, many specialists earn substantial incomes by simply manipulating their clients and promising 'to take the pain away'. Good old marketing, thanks, Mr. Kotler!
2. A significant number of people are simply stuck in a fixed mindset, firmly believing in certain notions such as "it's impossible to do XYZ at a certain age." They interpret neutral events and facts in ways that confirm their polarized beliefs, attributing changes to external factors while denying personal responsibility. This mindset, again exploited skillfully by some 'specialists', leads to temporary positive changes without addressing deep underlying thought patterns, resulting in a return to previous habits and outcomes. Back to 'business as usual'.
3. Only a small amount of individuals can stick to their decisions on new beneficial routines long-term. Sustaining change requires commitment and dedication to consistently perform new actions over time. Many mistakenly believe that temporary changes, like going on a diet, will yield lasting results, failing to recognize the necessity of permanently altering their habits. Consequently, despite initial efforts, many revert to familiar yet non-beneficial behaviors.
4. Similarly, many people believe that one significant action will permanently alter their lives. For example they think that going to a silent retreat once a year will improve their mindfulness and wipe off the stress. Or, that going to a gym for 2 hours once a week will make them loose weight. Or, that spending with their spouse 1 dinner at a fancy restaurant once every few months will keep their relationship spicy. In other words, people are unwilling to stick to smaller, regular routines, failing to recognize the importance of attention to detail. The most simple example: it's more effective to brush your teeth for 2 minutes twice a day every day than to do it for an hour once a week. This oversight often leads to passing changes rather than lasting improvement.
But can an ordinary person — someone not gifted with the superhuman abilities of James Bond or Wonder Woman — truly transform their life?
Absolutely!
And the easiest way to kickstart this change (yes, I totally get it, you'd like an easy start!) is by stacking small, healthy habits, as detailed in the book "Atomic Habits."
Begin with a couple of habits that boost your health and energy. Pick any two from the list below, and over time, incorporate more of these healthy practices:
- Cut back on coffee consumption (yes, I said that),
- Limit social media scrolling an hour before bedtime,
- Refrain from gossiping and judging others,
- Swap greasy fast food for fresh fruits and vegetables,
- Take regular long walks to get your body moving and muscles oxygenated,
- Ensure you get 7-8 hours of sleep in a cool temperature,
- Reduce intake of sugar and salt,
- Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of plain water.
Once you've built up more energy and motivation to keep moving forward, it's time to incorporate more substantial beneficial habits into your routine:
- Read self-development books,
- Keep a journal,
- Meditate daily for at least 10 minutes,
- Spend quality time with your family,
- Pursue an inspiring hobby,
- Learn a new language,
- Share your expertise by teaching or training others in your area of expertise,
- Cultivate kindness and compassion,
- Start donating or volunteering,
- Educate yourself about investing.
As you begin to integrate some of these habits into your life, you'll notice interesting opportunities for further positive change start to emerge:
- People will seek your insights and experiences, inviting you to share them,
- You'll feel compelled to lend a helping hand to others more often,
- You'll be inspired to generate ideas for improving your community.
In conclusion, if you're serious about changing your life, it's crucial to acknowledge that you hold responsibility for every aspect of it. Recognize that you always have a choice, and each choice carries its own consequences. Consider whether you're willing to pay the price for the benefits you desire, and remind yourself of this on those inevitable challenging days when sticking to your decisions feels daunting and you're tempted to revert to old habits.
Continuously remind yourself of the reasons why you no longer wish to lead your previous life and why you opted for a different path.
Don't fall into the trap of seeking quick fixes, despite the allure of the marketing industry and social media. Remember, there are NO shortcuts or easy solutions. Viewing life through such a lens is akin to believing in Santa Claus and expecting clean clothes and dinner to magically appear without your efforts.
If you're truly committed to transforming your life and seek reliable guidance, I've developed Your Best Year Planner to give you a powerful head start.
With over a decade of experience in coaching and personal development, I've meticulously crafted this comprehensive guide to assist you in strategizing, planning, and achieving your ambitious goals and lasting life changes. More than just a planner, it's a distilled collection of insider coaching tips and powerful practices. Curious? - check it out clicking the button below!
What version of yourself will you become this year?
PS: If you enjoyed this article, feel free to share with your network and drop me a message with your thoughts - I am always happy to network with like-minded people! If you want to inquire about my coaching services, feel free to check the respective page on this website and book a free discovery session.
Your example about brushing your teeth for a couple minutes, twice a day versus an hour all at once, one time per week was incredible! I've got to remember that one.
I'm glad you gave us the ability to choose only two habits of the eight you listed, because I'm not willing to cut back on coffee consumption. At least, not yet!😅